This week we’re looking at how we can use the 5 senses to make our writing more descriptive and engaging. Using the image below as your stimulus, write a paragraph (or a whole story if you’re feeling enthusiastic) that evokes the senses! Good luck – can’t wait to read them.
This term we’ve been learning how to engage the reader by using a sizzling start followed by backfill in our imaginative writing. Today students worked collaboratively in groups to create some writing using picture prompts. Have a read of their fantastic efforts below.
Trigger – by Chelsea, Edie, Amira, Mika, Luisa and Emma
My fingers flew across the game controller, punching the animated characters on the screen. Today was the Interschool Gamer’s Championships and all I had to do was beat the opposition and have my dream or fail and crumple into a heap of dirt. No pressure, right? My palms dripped with sweat as my imaginary enemies fell before me, grimacing realistically as they lost their lives. I got lost in the game… literally. My arms and legs slowly disappeared before my eyes. I let out a terrified scream and scrambled away from the game, but it was no use. My finger grabbed the trigger one last time before I was swallowed by the game… Stuck in the game with nowhere to go, I was trapped. My enemy advances towards me and this time I have no trigger to push.
The Ransom Note by Emma, Mika, Luisa, Amira, Edie and Chelsea
The white glove enveloped his face like it was a mere handball. I watched his eyes slowly droop lower and lower, descending into the darkness that is unconsciousness. He woke up in a white room, beeping machines all around him; he tried to move but he couldn’t… I watched from above. I stared silently at him from my hiding place in the ceiling. Suddenly the manhole cover snapped, rust descending into the room. ‘Stop, that’s me!’ I yell as the little boy, me, is buried under all the debris. The boy muffles a scream. Silence. Soon, his family will receive the ransom note, the one that is pointless now that he is gone.
A Random Story by Edie, Emma, Luisa, Amira, Mika and Chelsea
The vast beach made a perfect background to promote the new Nike shoe. My camera clicked as I snapped picture after picture, checking each one after I took it. Even though the shoes looked dull, this was the fate of my job. I snapped picture after picture, but none of them seemed quite right. My camera soon ran out of film. Will my boss notice the lack of skill and quality? I sincerely hope not. I decide to angle the camera differently. Perfect! I’d never wanted to be a photographer, I wanted to be a chemist. But the universe would choose otherwise. I should quit my job!
Sneaky Sneakers By Rowan, Callum, Oliver & Henry
I look down upon the lone shoes and swallow hard. He was here. I grab the shoes and run. I hear explosions. I can’t decide whether I should run and try to save the innocent people or run to the safety of my home? I should probably mention, I have recently encountered alien life.
Empty by Mika, Edie, Amira, Luisa, Emma and Chelsea
My breath hitched as I surveyed the scene before me. The school bus that had just been bustling with students was now entirely empty. And on the day of the school trip to San Diego! I rushed up front to the bus driver. “Where is everybody?” I look at him, his shirt is covered in blood. His eyes are completely white and his head lolls back. Gunshot wound. I start hyperventilating, panic seeping into my thoughts, my brain, until all I see is my best friend, the one that would be here right now if it weren’t for the incident. I felt panic surge inside of me, my hands shaking violently. I bolt from the bus and run as my anxiety drains away. I feel nothing. Empty.
Congratulations to all our students who took part in the November writing challenge – NaNoWriMo. It was great to see so many students keen to take part and embark on writing a novel! Well done to everyone who reached their word count goal. Even though it’s now December, you can still keep writing!
Thank you to all the families who joined us for our assembly last week. Students shared their Australian Flash Fiction challenges, where they had just 50 words to create a story about anything to do with Australia.
Click on the images below to have a read.
To celebrate Halloween, we continued the OC tradition of writing some 2 sentence horror stories.
CAUTION: Don’t read before bedtime.
My mother always serves up a strange meat for dinner. It tasted good until I discovered what it was. – Jules
I went to my friend’s house for dinner and waited for the main course. It was me! – Ember
I smiled at the sound of the familiar tick-tock of my grandfather’s only-working watch. My smile faded as I remembered that the watch was buried with him. – Emma
I set the ringtone on my phone to the sound of screaming for Halloween. I heard it ring, but then realised with horror my phone was switched off. – Chelsea
It’s midnight, I’m tired and about to fall over as I lean against a tall pole. However, I realise this pole has arms and is staring at me. – Eliza
My mum never told me how my dad died. But I saw how my sister died. – Eleanor
I used to think clowns were funny. That was until one appeared in my closet. – Jules
I don’t want to do it, it just happens. I love the look on people’s faces as they die and so does my doll. She told me to do it. – Celeste
I went to take a look, just in case I hadn’t imagined it. My eyes never closed again. – Emma
There’s a knife on your bed but you don’t worry. Until it’s in your head. – Blade
I fell over and grazed my knee. I was about to get up, but something was holding me down. – Griffin
“There’s nothing under your bed, go back to sleep!” “He’s behind you now.” – Amie
A noise behind me, I turn. It was nothing, I try to reassure myself. Again it rings out. I turn my face frozen in shock, it’s finally found me. – William
My mum walks into my room and says ‘look behind you’. It is only now that I regret falling for her trick. – Oscar
At first I thought the knocking was coming from my window. Then it came again, but from the mirror. – Layla
I hear a soft singing coming from the room next to me. My roommate passed away two years ago. – Mika
My favourite toy is a knife. My favourite colour is red. – Ember
My mother always told me to be nice to strangers. Now I’m having a friendly conversation with the stranger from my closet who’s holding a knife. – Noah K
I made my little brother a paper boat. He was never seen again. – Ty
I reach for the covers of the bed. Then realise that I’m not in my room. – Fin
I was sitting on my bed one night, waiting for my parents to say goodnight. But they never came. – Dexter
I carefully placed a flower in front of my wife’s grave. ”Is that for me?” someone says behind me. – Chloe
I reached for the lamp in the dusty bedroom. Someone had already done it for me. – Fin
I used to love watching werewolf movies. I stopped when I heard howling next door. – Jules
I wake up in the dark with an unsettling feeling that someone is watching me and realise with horror that I am not where I went to sleep. I stand and walk towards a disturbing rustling noise and suddenly hear a piercing shriek and feel an excruciating pain vibrating through my body as I flop to the ground. – Raquel
I saw my favourite colour once in a dream, it’s red. I woke up the next morning to see it splattered all over my bedroom floor. Lying amongst it was my father’s body, the front door slammed shut. – Ellen
I usually sleep alone. Now someone sleeps next to me. – Liana
My brother hates chess but tonight he decided to play with me. Every time I took a piece, he winced and another cut appeared on his face. I won the game. – William
My mum is very secretive about her job. Last night I discovered she’s a serial killer. – Ember
I smile at the familiar teacher, writing up tomorrow’s lesson on the board. He’s the teacher who never seems to grow tired of his job, even after he’s been buried in the ground. for years. – Emma
My Mum just finished washing the dishes. So why are the knives dripping with blood? – Mika
I knocked on the glass. My reflection merely blinked at me. – Layla
Well done to all of our Stage 3 students for their amazing efforts on our Informative Magazine project last term. Students worked really hard; selecting a topic of interest to research; writing a variety of articles focusing on different aspects and; incorporating lots of graphics and visual information. At the end of last term we had a sharing session with 6B and 5R where students got the opportunity to read each other’s magazines and peer review them. Be sure to have a read of their magazine when they bring them home.
Well done to Layla who was announced as the winner of the Touchdown School Magazine Writing competition today! Last term, students created a 150 story starter using a collection of words from the magazine. It was very exciting to have one of our amazing writers win! Layla’s entry will be published in the October issue of Touchdown.
Congratulations to Chelsea whose short story Just Memories has been selected by our class to represent our school in this year’s NESA Write On competition for Stage 3. Well done to all of our students who created an entry for this year’s photo prompt below.
It was the first time people had been let into our country. They came in and we stayed in. I wondered why people would want to come to North Korea? Of course I kept these thoughts to myself; I cheered at the parades, I bowed at the memorials. Naturally, the foreign guests had just been a cause for our ruler to show off. The fake weapons were paraded, people were scared, people left. But the ones with the cameras stayed, and now they stood on the footpath smiling and talking to no one in particular. These were the tourists. They left too… then the bombs started. This is my country, this is my story. This is our time.
“We have made a decision… to let the foreigners into our country! They will abide by our laws, they will be crucial in the battle against America, they will scare the rest of the world with their cameras and news reports and most importantly, they will help us win. You may not leave. You may not talk to them. You may not look at them in the street.” The small TV screen we huddled around every night went black and silent. Our electricity had been terminated for the remainder of the night. Yet news was still circulated in the form of photos. Illegal photos from the tourists. We had one. It was a black and white shot of a parade. You couldn’t see the parade coming, only the people. I remembered that parade so vividly. They had paraded a fake weapon that day.
The excitement strung between the foreigners had been electric. They actually cheered because they wanted to. But their voices were drowned out when we heard the planes. They had been real, of course. I don’t know how many people died when the bombs fell. We were all meant to die, I know that. That night I lay on the cold, blood stained concrete, shaking, the corpses surrounding me, staring at me, lifeless. Were they with someone they loved when they died? I hope so. I don’t know where my family went, but it doesn’t matter because now because I am abandoned.
Dr Garamond shut the notebook with a slam. He was the only one who could shut small books with slams. He slouched in his chair, his large bulk filling it and making it look like it was a small fold-up chair at a cheap cinema. His large brown eyes stared across the table and right at me. “So…” I said. “Will you publish it?” His reply wasn’t what I had hoped for.
“This young girl in the story deserves privacy. No one will read a story this short, but I will keep the diary just in case. It could help me immensely with my research.”
I had come all this way, from North Korea, to be turned down. And now the diary, my diary, my only remaining possession that I salvaged from the ruins of our small cottage was no longer mine. I guess, at the end of the day, there are just memories.
Congratulations to all of our wonderful writers who took part in this year’s ICAS Writing. Their amazing results are below. Well done!
Participation: Eliza, Eleanor, Griffin, Duncan, Amie and Ellen
Credits: Edie (top 35%), Fin (top 23%), Oscar (top 35%), William (top 13%), Ty (top 24%), Ember (top 24%), Blade (top 24%), Noah K (top 15%) and Sam (top 15%)
Distinctions: Mika (top 7%), Chelsea (top 7%), Layla (top 9%), Chloe (top 9 %), Grayson (top 7%) and Raquel (top 7%)
High Distinctions: Emma (top 1%), Noah G (top 1%), Celeste (top 1%) and winner of the Principal’s Award for the highest achiever.
Congratulations to Mika who has won the recent FABO Writing competition by children’s author Sue Copsey (author of The Ghosts of Young Nick’s Head, and The Ghosts Of Tarawera). Using Sue’s story starter below, Mika created an ending that “had it all – superb descriptive writing, really creepy, and a great twist at the end.” Well done, Mika!
Sue’s Story Starter
I wasn’t in the slightest bit happy when Mum said I was going to stay with Aunt Jules for the Easter holidays. Aunt Jules lives in a town Mum calls ‘quirky’ and I call weird. It’s not even a town, really. It’s just a place on the way to somewhere else. There’s a petrol station and a couple of cafes that Mum says are just like the ones she grew up with (which means only pies), and … nope. Can’t think of anything else.
So here I am, sitting on Aunt Jules’ sofa, coming to terms with dial-up internet. One good thing, though. Aunt Jules says there’s a toy shop, and she’ll give me money. She says the shop’s ‘curious’.
The bell dings as I open the toy shop door. It’s dark in here, so I get a bit of a fright when a little old lady pops up from behind the counter. She’s got frizzy grey hair and round glasses that twinkle.
“I bet you think this town is boring, eh?” she says. “You’d rather be somewhere else?”
I think this is a strange way to greet your customers. I told you this town’s weird. But before I can answer, she takes out something from under the counter. It’s a globe – an old-fashioned one with brownish land and sea, and scary looking sea serpents in the oceans.
“Spin it!” she says. So I do.
The light was inexplicable. It tore away everything, blocking out all sound and vision. My throat was raw, my limbs paralyzed. Terror took hold of me, gripping my heart with icy fingers. I screamed, willing my legs to move, but nothing would come.
Something solidified under my feet. Solid ground. The earth beneath me was hard like rock, and had a strange, foreign feeling underfoot, almost bouncy.
As the vision returns to my eyes, I hear a raspy, terrifying voice choke out a feeble sentence, “But… Where… no…” My hand flies to my throat as I realize the voice was my own.
The scene around me is both horrifying and stunning. The land is perfectly flat, covered in long, wavy grass that goes up to my waist. To my left the land slopes downwards and meets the waterline. The waves soar above my head, crashing just metres away from me. I catch the salty spray on my tongue and pull away, scrambling into the grass. Briefly I remember the strange creatures that roamed the water on the globe. The sun suddenly becomes unbearable. The heat pelts down on the land. Sweat breaks out on my brow and I cringe. I raised my head and stared upwards. My heart skips a beat.
Above me, the sky is curved upwards, forming a glassy dome above me.
And behind the dome is the face of the store owner. Her grey hair surrounds her laughing face like a hood, her eyes peeking out from under her fringe of curls.
I am trapped, gone.